Sober
by Jade Fervidus
Summary: Based on the song by Pink. Jeff Hardy/Triple H. He knows it's wrong, but he can't stop. The addiction is like a soft, warm blanket; like home. But is Paul's love enough incentive for Jeff to leave home behind? Rated M for language/drug/alcohol addiction.


**Sober  
**by  
Jade Fervidus

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**Rating:** M  
**Pairing/s:** Jeff Hardy/Triple H  
**Genre:** Angst/Romance  
**Fandom:** WWE

**Warnings:** Aforementioned slash, with cussing and drug/alcohol abuse.

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**Disclaimer: **I do not own the single, 'Sober' - P!nk, LAFace and Sony BMG do. The WWE belongs to the McMahon family. Any mentioned wrestlers are property of themselves and any resemblance to real life is purely coincidental.

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**Sober**

_I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest  
__Or the girl who never wants to be alone  
__I don't wanna be that call at 4 o'clock in the morning  
__'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home_

_And the sun is blinding  
__I stayed up again  
__Oh, I am finding  
__That's not the way I want my story to end_

_I'm safe, up high  
__Nothing can touch me  
__But why do I feel this party's over?  
__No pain inside  
__You're my protection  
__But how do I feel this good sober?_

_I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence  
__The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth  
__Please don't tell me that we had that conversation (I know we did)  
__'Cause I won't remember, save your breath, 'cause what's the use?_

_Ah, the night is calling  
__And it whispers to me softly come and play  
__I, I am falling  
__And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame_

_I'm safe up high  
__Nothing can touch me  
__But why do I feel this party's over?  
__Oh, no pain inside  
__You're like perfection  
__So, how do I feel this good sober?_

_Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down  
__Spinning 'round, spinning 'round, spinning 'round  
__Looking for myself sober  
__  
Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down  
__Spinning 'round, spinning 'round, spinning 'round  
__Looking for myself sober_

_When it's good then it's good, it's so good 'til it goes bad  
_'_Til you're trying to find the you that you once had  
__I have heard myself cry never again  
Broken down in agony just trying to find a friend_

_I'm safe up high  
__Nothing can touch me  
__But why do I feel this party's over?  
__No pain inside  
__You're like perfection  
__So, how do I feel this good sober?_

_I'm safe up high  
__Nothing can touch me  
__But why do I feel this party's over?  
__No pain inside  
__You're like perfection  
__So, how do I feel this good sober?_

_How do I feel this good sober?_

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**Sober**

"Jeff, you gotta stop this," pleaded my brother, brown eyes shining with love.

I guess he's right. I know it's not healthy, spending half of my time away with the fuckin' fairies. But, I can't stop. I've tried, and tried, and tried again, but nothing works. The temptation is always there. A little white pill can take away all the pain.

I guess Shannon was right; temptation is the devil's right-hand man. Or woman, or thing. Whatever. See? Now I know I'm sober; I'm overanalysing everything. Why can't I just take another pill? Makes life so much easier. _Jeff, no!_ See, I even have to tell myself off. Doesn't help though.

"Jeff? Bro? You listenin' to me?" Oh shit, Matt's talking again, "Does Paul know about this?"

"Don't you bring Paul into this, Matt! He has nothin' to do with this," I snap, knowing that I'm getting defensive.

Matt's brown eyes watch me shrewdly, and I fidget under the gaze,. "I'm going to take that as a 'no'," he murmurs, reaching for the cell-phone that's on the table beside him.

I watch as he starts punching in a number, fear coursing through my now-clean veins. "Who are you callin'?"

"Who do you think?" he asks me, holding the phone up to his ear. "Paul."

"Matt, no," I plead, remembering what Paul had said after my last visit to him, "He'll leave me if he finds out!"

"He has a right to know," Matt jumps up to avoid my lunge for the phone, pacing as the phone rang, "Hey, Paul ... I'm alright, how're you? ... Actually, that's kinda why I called ... I found him high as a kite in the lounge last night ... Thought he was fuckin' Elton John ... He didn't ask me to tell you. Kinda asked me _not_ to ... You had a right to know ... Paul, maybe that's not such a good idea ... I'm well aware of the fact that you're his boyfriend ... Paul-!" Judging by Matt's growl, I assume that Paul hung up on him.

I sunk miserably into the couch, waiting for the fireworks that would happen in less than 20 minutes, "He's on his way over, right?"

"Yeah," Matt muttered, running a hand over his face tiredly. "You want me to leave?"

"Stay. At least until he gets here. And then, if I were you, I would get away as quickly as possibly," I advised dryly, knowing that one hell of a fight was going to ensue.

My brother sent me an amused smirk, sinking back down onto the couch opposite. A few days before, the WWE had been scheduled in Cameron, North Carolina. My home town. Matt, Shannon, Greg and I had chosen to crash at our own places, and Paul had stayed at the hotel in town. An argument had erupted, with fantastic make-up sex following.

Lost in memories of unbelievable sex, I failed to notice the rental pulling up in the driveway, and hearing the driver's door open and slam shut. Gravel crunching under boots caught my attention, and I began to bounce up and down nervously. The temptation to make a run for it was almost undeniable but knew that it would only make things worse in the long run. Hell, I was going to be lucky if Paul even spoke to me properly.

Heavy, impatient bangs echoed through the house, and I sunk further into the couch. The impending headache that always followed my _sessions_ was coming on full force, and I desperately wished that it would fuck the hell off. As I began kneading my temples, I missed Matt leaving the room to open the front door.

Huh, seems like I miss a lot of things.

The conversation that was happening outside the room only made my head worse, so I tuned it out. I found that I'd become quite good at tuning people out, as I had been doing it a lot lately. Matt, Dad, Shannon, Greg, Shawn, Paul... a lot of people. Footsteps broke my train of thought, and I looked up to see my brother in the doorway with Paul, who looked like a raging bull.

"You can leave now, Matt."

I heard him sigh at my tone, but I couldn't bring myself to give a fuck at that moment. "Fine. I hope he chews your ass for bein' a fuckin' idiot." The door slammed a minute later and I knew that my brother had taken off back to his own house.

Paul walked over silently, sinking into the sofa across from mine. He stared at me with his cold hazel eyes, and I found myself looking everywhere but at him. We sat in tense silence, almost daring the other to break it. To an outsider, it must have looked hilarious; the slow ticking of the second hand on the clock, the breeze outside and the laboured breathing, but it was anything but funny. "You gonna tell me what the _fuck_ you were thinking?"

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the pissed-off Paul Levesque. With a mouth that would make a sailor blush. "Wasn't planning on it," I muttered.

Did I mention how anxious one of his glares can make you feel? Well, let's say, if his glares could kill, I would've been dead a trillion times over in the last second. "You're a fuckin' dipshit, you know that?"

I folded my arms across my chest, leaned back against the chair and just let him get it all out. I'm not gonna talk to him while he's like Paris Hilton on fuckin' PMS. "Why the fuck did you get high again? What the hell did I tell you last time? What were you thinking, Jeff?"

Again, I stayed silent, knowing that he was far from finished. "I told you that if you were going to get into drugs again, I'd leave you." And there he goes. "You know the only reason I'm here, right now? I fuckin' _love_ you! No matter how much pain it causes me, I stick by you. Only God knows why, but I do!"

"Paul-," Ah, the time of silence is over, because he's still not finished. Although, I'm already feeling guilty as all shit for causing him pain.

"Did you ever think about anything that could happen? Did it ever occur to you that you're not only hurting yourself, but the people around you? Did it ever occur to you that you could end up with some fuckin' disease, or even dead? Did it, Jeff? Did it?"

"Paul, I-," Oh, Jesus fuckin' Christ. Now he's got me choking on my own words. God, this guy is a piece of work. It's impossible to ignore him.

"Save it, Jeff." The only thing I hate more than angry Paul is disappointed Paul, like he is right now. "Why'd you do it? What made you go back? You were doing so well."

Now that I think about it, why _did_ I do it? Simply because I could, or was there an underlying reason? I can't think of any reason why I needed to. Maybe... was it possible that I was... addicted? "I… I don't know," I stated lamely.

"You did it because you're addicted, Jeffro. I recognize the signs," murmured Paul, sighing deeply in defeat. "You need help, and you need it now. You can't go getting addicted again. You just... can't."

"I am not addicted, Paul! Jesus!" Oh, _shit_. I just proved him right. I'm getting defensive. "Fuck, I am, aren't I?"

"Looks like." Oh no, he's getting serious; nothing good ever comes from that. "I want you to get help. Shawn has the name of the therapist who helped him overcome his addiction. I want you to see him. And I swear, if you have another relapse, I'm dumping your ass quicker than you can say 'rehab'. Got it?"

I gave him a smile, "Got it."

He returned the look, standing up and moving over next to me. Enveloping me in his strong arms, I was hit with a wave of realization; the feeling of Paul' arms was the same feeling I got when I was high.

Hmm... maybe I never really needed the drugs and alcohol in the first place.

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**Author's Note **Well… I've had previous accounts on this site over the last few years, and when I was cleaning my computer this morning I found this. This was written in 2008, but I never posted it. *shrugs* I hope it was okay, and that Jeff didn't seem too unbelievable.

Review? *puppy eyes*


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